Shyness and Other Such Antisocial Behaviour

Definition: Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people. - more at +About.com

So yeah, like this is a huge discussion nowadays which before we delve into I must confess that I am an introvert. Not that should come as a surprise in terms of they type of antisocial things I talk about in this blog. Technically, just because I am an introvert doesn't mean I am antisocial and in all honesty, I am not antisocial.

I like to meet people; party; go out as much as the next guy. In fact, I probably go out more than my friends who are all surprisingly social and extroverts of the highest order. I love to go out. I love to travel. I like to attend social events (read: lame school parties) often. I don't have social anxiety. I don't hate everyone (just the incredibly stupid ones...okay everyone). And most importantly, I do not always wish to be alone.

Instead, after attending a party, I like to spend the next day in a less stressful manner maybe sleeping, or reading, watching TV and all things of that sort. Yes, like an extrovert I don't like to party everyday. I find that incredibly exhausting. I like to talk to people but not, small talk. I like to have witty or meaningful (or utterly meaningless) conversations. And that's that.

Being an introvert certainly doesn't mean that I want to hide under the blanket everytime someone looks at me. It means, I want to be the centre of attention all night and then I need about a week to recover from the effort. Honestly, that's all.

The Aarushi Talwar Case

I double checked my doors tonight before slipping into bed. I was scared of the slightest noise, even of my own shadow because today we revisited the horrors of the Aarushi Talwar case. It isn't over; it hasn't been over for years but today it came back as breaking news. The CBI declared the parents guilty and tomorrow might be the conclusion to this woeful tale of a 14-year old girl. If the CBI is right then, what have we become? Unsafe within our homes.

Aarushi was fourteen about to celebrate her fifteenth birthday soon. She was just a child. She was messaging her friends, reading books, taking 'selfies' and being the girl she was only to meet such a painful and horrifying death. It does make you wonder things. Her death wasn't the only tragic thing that happened to her, while some say she was sexually assaulted before her being killed; others malign her name by making her a willing accomplice in a sexual encounter with a 45 year old man. I'm not saying it cannot happen, I'm saying that she was a child. Children make mistakes. It might've been a grave one but it was what it was...a mistake.

The Inspector on the case, General Gurdarshan Singh, said, “He killed her in a fit of rage even though his character was just as poor as his daughter’s (for her relationship with Hemraj).” How dare he comment on her character without knowing her even a bit. How dare he accuse a child of having a morally unacceptable character! She was a child. Children don't have character, they have lessons. How can he comment upon such a sensitive matter with such insensitivity? How on earth can he blame his incapability on the innocence of childhood.

How many of our days are numbered? When we are young, we feel invincible. We feel like nothing can touch us, least of all death but death and misfortune don't care about age nor they do about your plans. They just ambush you; catch you in your unawares and in a blink of an eye all your planning is lost.

Imagine giving birth and nourishing a child for almost fifteen years. Loving her, feeding her, bathing her, teaching her, giving her life and then being blamed for her death. I have no sides. I do not know who committed the crime and I offer no arguments. However for one moment can we pause and think to the predicament of two parents who lost their life to a couple of hours. The human in me appeals to the gods above, if they exist, let it not be the parents. Let it not be the parents because then I might as well leave the doors to my house open; let it not be the parents because then no one can stop us from losing fate in humanity; let it not be the parents because it is the worst possible thing to happen to a child.

We differentiate ourselves from animals but if it the parents, then we are nothing but animals. I know this post is all  over the place but I have written in a flow of emotion because it could have been me. I can only pray now that there exists a god and he is willing to listen to the plight of humanity. Let it not be the parents.

Sometimes, everyone just needs some distance...

Sometimes, everyone just needs some distance...

I realise I might not be putting up any posts but I just can't. I have my end of school exams and I have absolutely no time to entertain you guys right now. But, I will...(I also realise that it grammatically incorrect to start a sentence with 'but', but what the heck). Having said that, I was feeling kind of conflicted today and one of my closest friends updated a blog post and that gave me the idea to write a post too. So, here I am...

I gave an online test, which was not really a test but a sort of quiz that judges your personality on the basis of a couple of questions. It seemed pretty accurate. It told me that I was halfway between an Extrovert and an Introvert, which I had realised a couple of times in the past. I love my friends and their company and I love socials but, I'm not a fan of hanging out everyday and sometimes, I like to sit back and read through a good book. I have a couple of really close friends but the problem is, I don't know if we really are best friends.

It used to be a big group of about ten people and slowly, people starting leaving and changing and before we knew it, it was just the five of us. Don't get me wrong, I prefer us now but, sometimes I wonder if all of us are really friends or just...just pretending to be. It's great in movies and soaps and books, you eventually figure out who your 'true' friends are but in real life, and you have probably figured, it's not that easy. I don't think they know who I am. I share their interests and everything but sometimes, I feel like they just don't get me. Honestly, it's just a feeling and I have no proof whatsoever...but, it just feels so.

Some say school friends last for life because they are they only ones who are with you when you grow into the person you are. They are the only ones who don't become friends with you for who you are or what your job is or how much you earn. I've been with them long enough but, I wonder- will it last? I feel this strange sort of unease. I wish we could really be the How I Met Your Mother of real life but when, Barney's brother asked Robin, "Do you think your relationship is so fragile?", she said " I don't want to find out." And honestly, neither do I. And then sometimes I feel I do...do they really care about me? Any advice, anyone?

Thanks for reading
That's all folks!
Au revoir..

Trust me

Is it remotely possible for something to be so fickle yet to be of such strength as to break all boundaries. 'Trust' - a five letter word that is stronger than love, hope and hate. A three word phrase - 'I trust you' that has the power to make or break a relationship. a feeling acquired painstakingly yet shattered in a moment. An emotion that we bestow on some blindly yet bargain with others for.

When I step out of the house, I trust the man across the street will not strike me down and the bus driver will take me to school. I trust that my teacher will teach me right things and that my friends will miss me when I'm gone. Yet, I choose not to trust when 'he' tells me he loves me and when my sister tells me - 'Trust me, this movie will be good.' I highly doubt that. What do you to when it breaks?

Trust is fickle. It is like a glass bowl. It is carved out of glass and reflects the beauty of the relationship. However, once you drop the bowl, it shatters across the floor and the tiny shards of glass embed themselves in inaccessible places, places where your hands don't reach. The bowl can never be whole again. The bigger pieces can be glued together but the glass is dust now. It's gone. You can never be trusted again. 

You have lost my trust. We will never be friends again.You have hurt me because I stepped on the shards of the broken bowl. Things will never be the same again.

Till next time.. #keepreading #Lotsoflavh

Breakups

I've always wondered what is so bad about breakups? Why make such a big deal out of it? Not that I haven't had my fair share of breakups. Oh I have had them and they were painful but what is it that weighs us down and makes every morning bleak and despondent?

A 'Breakup' is a word for when two people are no longer compatible with one another. People change and this happens. But,breakups bring about a change in our lives - parting with someone so close: someone who has known and who we have known so intimately and that is what really makes them painful. So, we mourn. Just like we would mourn a physical loss, we mourn the loss of an emotional relationship. We fight the emptiness the departure creates and I have done it too.

It is only the 'after' breakup that makes the breakups a big deal. A while ago, just after my breakup, a fellow friend told me that she had heard that the only reason my boyfriend and I had broken up was because "He didn't want to anymore." Now, my boyfriend...now ex...anyway, we had already talked about 'why' we were parting ways and that was definitely NOT the reason he gave me. [P.S. I was unwilling to part but his concerns were genuine.] You must be all thinking - "So what? Don't believe her? What does she know?" I did too...for the first few days. Slowly, the depression started sinking in, the insecurities surfaced. What if this really was the reason? He didn't want to. The bitterness had been created.

Little rumours; little truths; little insecurities play a huge part in making what is a perfectly normal separation, a   painful and bitter "breakup". There's not a single day that goes by when I don't think about him and it hurts. The wound, the emptiness, the hole...they hurt. "George Bernard Shaw once wrote: 'There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your hearts desire, the other is to gain it.'...Clearly Shaw had his heart broken once or twice...you know what? Tragedies happen. What are you gonna do? Give up? Quit? No. I realise now that when your heart breaks you gotta fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. Because you are and that pain you feel, that's life. And the confusion and fear, that's there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better and that something is worth fighting for."



Till then, that's it. #feelbetter #keepreading

P.S: Leave a comment to tell me how you felt about this update. #lotsoflavh

Baby, don't go : Best Friends Forever

Does it really exist anymore? Best friends...forever? I don't be a pessimist but I really haven't seen two friends keep together long enough for it to even remotely be forever. No one. I suppose its because our concept of 'best friends' is faulty. And because we think things never change. As Peyton [One Tree Hill] says: People Always Leave. Its because we can't accept who've they've changed into. Change isn't necessarily bad just different; its just evolution. Plus, no matter how stagnant you consider yourself...you change. Every year; Every month; Every day; Every hour; Every minute you evolve into someone different. Not always completely just a little. 

Now, back to our concept of 'best friends'...

Ask yourself truly...WHO is a best friend? It would of course be best that you don't base your answer on the memes and photos circulate on the internet. They basically make it important for you best friend to be crazy like you making witty jokes and punching other people for you, which too an extent may be true. However, I feel that a best friend is a friend who listens. I think we all lack that one friend that truly LISTENS. Not just about boys and clothes but about your greatest fears and strengths, your dreams and your weaknesses, your expectations and your reality. 

It doesn't mean that you best friend has to give you some revolutionary advice that no one else had given because contrary to popular belief, being a best friend doesn't make a person a genius in matters of the world that eluded them previously. Nor does it have the same effect on you. But if you jut stood there and listened without becoming distracted or turning the topic to yourself....if you've genuinely listened, you're my best friend. I don't want to expect much because its wrong to expect things from others. We form all these expectations and when they don't occur in reality, we get upset. However, if we're not mind readers, every body has different ideas so how do we expect anyone to actually fulfill our desires.

My suggestion, hold your friend close, till you squeeze them of air but never judge them for change, because change is inevitable. Till then #keep reading. #lotsalove #keeprollin'



P.S: Leave a comment to tell me how you felt about this update. #lotsoflavh

#yolo, really?

I resignedly sighed back home after a tiring and laborious day and then, collapsed into my bed. I should be exhausted, I had an exam to give yet I feel not only mentally exhausted, but also, physically and emotionally. Why? I was in love and I saw him today. Yes, I always receive collective look of pity every time I say that but no matter how hard we try and how strenuously we side step the deep, painful chasms of love - we always slip. 

Damn! - I know. My question is - why do we make it so hard for ourselves? Why are there all these rules and dos and don'ts and right and wrongs? Why? If I like someone, I will attend to him, no matter, what my situation is. I'll take out time to listen. Is it really necessary to wait at least seven  minutes to reply to a text? Or to not look out for him out in the crowd and behave nonchalantly about us. Why on earth?

The internet, at this moment is flooded with 4,260,000 posts on #yolo, if I am to believe Google. I, myself, have a board on pinterest tagged #yoloo. It is, ofcourse, a hashtag that stands for the inspirational "You live only once" which has been incessantly criticised by several but, I find myself agreeing with. Isn't that how we have been advised to live, right? To live like everyday is your last? So, why doesn't this apply to love? 

We, humans, prance around the entire world, risking our lives as we do crazy things yet we think a thousand times and ask every single friend and then surf the net and spend hours contemplating to ourselves when we just have to say 'I Love You'. Just say it. It might hurt when its not reciprocated but at least it will hurt less than spending all your energy keeping it within yourself and losing that one person that you feel strongly for. I am as guilty as everyone else of playing mind games but, it's now or never. Life is meant to be lived and even for the risk of appearing needy, just do what you need to. 'Cause what seems to you may not seem to another.

So that's it for now. Hope you liked it. #Yolo

http://in.lifestyle.yahoo.com/10-crazy-things-die-110102153.html

P.S: Leave a comment to tell me how you felt about this update. #lotsoflavh